Reflections during a rainy night at home.

So I was listening to Robbie Seay Band today, and had one of those transcendent musical moments that God initiates in my heart.  Sometimes the truth I hear in music just stirs my soul around, and I have to get some stuff written down.  This song really let my soul breathe today.

I’ve been feeling a lot of stress with the upcoming wedding.  There’s a lot of changes that I’m starting to go through, a lot of things about myself that I am painfully coming to terms with, and it is good.  It is a hard thing to look all of your shortcomings in the eye and realize someone else is going to have to deal with those shortcomings too.  It is harder than anything I’ve probably ever done, but it is good.  The whole process comes without no small amount of personal brokenness, so this day it was particularly nice to breathe a little.   Anyways, without any further ado, here’s part of the lyrics to one of their songs, New Day:

I’m gonna sing this song
To let you know that you’re not alone
And if you’re like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning ‘round
For yesterday’s gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

So, here’s my thoughts.  “It might not be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see, but it’s a new day.”  Man. 

Wait… So you mean, it’s ok to be broken?  yes.

Things will be ok?  yes.

Even though I’ve already screwed today up?  yes.

Okay.

Okay. Things are going to be alright.  If that is truth, if that line from the song is truth, then my soul can relax and stretch and let out a long, deep sigh.  God is ok with it.  My selfishness, my pride, my shortcomings, my struggles.  I don’t have to try to be everything to everyone.  I don’t have to be SuperChristian, because SuperChristian, the perfect 22 year old guy that exists in mind as who I need to be all the time, does not and cannot exist.  God is ok with it. 

And I’m not the only one that feels this way?  Ok.  So this is not unique to my experience… others feel this way too.  Well, that’s refreshing.  That means everyone’s ok with me too.  In fact, if I told people that this is how I felt, they would probably be glad to know they weren’t alone either.  I’ll have to do that.  That’s a starting point.  But wait…

God always seems to accept me no matter where I am in life.  Guaranteed he never leaves me there; I am compelled by something deep inside me to strive toward towards the life Jesus lived, and somehow through the the mystic relationship God has fostered with me, he draws me into that life.  He’s doing that now, and I know this because honestly, it sucks.  It’s hard to continually be humbled.  But it is good.  I will always be broken; that is the constant state of my soul. 

But that’s it, that’s the paradox that my entire life depends upon; that my depravity and His redemption are held in a beautiful tension every second of every minute of every hour of every day.  The junk of my life will always exist, but God’s love for me will always prevail… and that is refreshing.

And I guarantee it’s not the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen.  But tomorrow is a new day.  And it’s going to be alright.